


starkers

by foundCarcosa



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-20
Updated: 2013-03-20
Packaged: 2017-12-05 22:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foundCarcosa/pseuds/foundCarcosa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[ AU: Not Your Choir Boy ]<br/>Sebastian "Starkers" Vael getting himself into ~situations because he can't keep his mouth shut. Just a bit of cracky hilarity because AU-ing Sebastian is too much fun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	starkers

_Another crowded night,_ Dorian thinks, chin in hand, ale in other, scowling around the bar. _Unbelievable._ She can barely hear her companions over the din, but she tunes in just in time.

“Whoa there, Starkers, how many of those have you had?”

Dorian turns her head slightly to the right. Varric asking anyone how many drinks they’ve had surely means something riotously hilarious is about to happen.

Sebastian Vael tips his chair back, full lips twisted in a smirk and tankard dangling from his agile fingers. Spots of red flush the apples of his cheeks. “Who knows? Who cares?”

“Better watch yourself, there. I—”

“Why? Afraid I can’t handle my drink?”

“I was _going_ to say ‘I’m not made of coin’, but sure, if you want to go there. There’s a lot of things you can’t handle like I can, my good man.” Varric matches Sebastian smirk-for-smirk, and Dorian thinks she sees a challenge gleaming in those hooded eyes.

“Is that so?” Sebastian tips the chair back onto all four legs, leaning towards Varric with avid interest. His tongue touches the tip of his teeth as he grins, and the bored look disappears from Dorian’s expression.  
“You’ve seen me. What do you think I can’t handle?”

“ _Everyone’s_ seen you. Except me, apparently.” Dorian scowls every time she hears Varric’s nickname for him — a play on ‘Starkhaven’ but also on the slang term for ‘nude’ — because it references a night at the Hanged Man she’d missed. And she never missed nights at the tavern unless she absolutely had to.

“Now, now,” Varric says mildly, holding up a gloved hand. “First of all, Starkers, as Isabela would say — ‘It ain’t the size of the boat, hon’. Not that I’m callin’ you hon, mind you. Second of all… all right, tell y’ what. Two birds, one stone — you want to play the size game, we’ll play. Give Dorian here a nice little show.”

There’s a heaviness in Varric’s voice towards the end that makes Dorian narrow her eyes at him speculatively — this challenge has a purpose. The dwarf meets her scrutiny with a slow wink and grin that makes her flush even warmer than the ale had.

“Challenge— _accepted!”_ Sebastian punctuates this with a slam of his empty tankard on the table, and Dorian’s eyes widen as his hands reach for his belt buckle.

“Hold on a second—”

Varric is standing, reaching under the tunic to unfasten his trousers. He seems perfectly composed, unlike the flushed prince, who snarls when the belt catches and refuses to unclasp.

“ _Hey._ Genius and royal genius. Don’t you think we should be taking this—”

“Back to the estate? My thoughts exactly.” Varric immediately straightens his clothing and reaches for his ale, finishing it off in a gulp and wiping his lips with the back of his hand. Quick as lightning, as if he'd planned for this. She opens her mouth to say, “I meant _‘elsewhere’”_ and then realised that her place _is_ Varric's idea of 'elsewhere'.

 _Duped into letting Tethras into my bedchambers. Again._ She should have been mad.

“Come on, kid.” Varric tugs a startled Sebastian to his feet, grinning easily. “And until you learn how to use those rogue senses to know when you’ve been had, you get to sit outside the bedroom door and _hope_ she’s got enough energy for you when I’m done.”


End file.
